Recently it has been so hectic for me, taking care of my family, Peazmakerz, our new foundation and a clothing line coming up.
I have been so busy with myself and trying to get stable income for the family that I forgot my number one priorty and it just takes 30min minimal of my time. And that's just to have a chat with God.
I feel pretty bad, because everytime when I remind myself to have a moment with God, and your heart reminds you. I would be yeah later and it has been always later. I could look at my phone browse trough internet for hours and not just having a moment with God. Knowing that God is always there and He would always forigive me if I did wrong, I take Him for granted everyday.
I started to not communicate and that leaded to not having a healthy relationship with God, every relationship needs good communication or other wise we will never meet eachother and connect.
It is one of the basic fundementals in a relationship communication.
Not just the communication and being able to pray, but everytime I would go to the church it feel so numb, worshipping, singing and praising God feels not real anymore.
I even start to think not want to go to church and prefer to stay at home praying and be alone with God at home.
I said to God " I don't feel you in church anymore, I feel your present when we do missions your there, I feel such a mess right now."
Sometimes as a believer at some point you become a lil bit numb, like you feel so empty, no living energy of life is coming out of your heart. Like life is so pointless at the moment. Yet you don't want to give up because you have Jesus. You don't want to give up and still fight against all the temptations that goes around you.
Today was that day, that I can't give up on my relationship, that had been so beautiful before and now and will forever.
I started this morning worshiping God in Erma way, I put some Lecrae, Andy Mineo, Muli music on, didn't realy worked out. Tried Broken vessels from Hillsong didn't worked out either.
Then I just started to talk and poor my heart and it was BEAUTIFULL. After pooring my heart out, shedding alot of tears. God said to me "Thank you for not giving up, read romans 5:2".
I opened my bible something that I rarely do, this came out
Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory.
3 We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. 4 And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. 5 And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.
For me the part that got " When we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develope endurance. And endurance develops strenght of character and character strengthens our condifent hope of salvation."
You can't have hope without strenght and character and you can't have strengt and character if you don't have the character of not giving up trough hard times.'
You are truely beautiful God, I love you!!